Mrs Birch, Disciplinarian

  Home Detention Classes

Back straight......Feet flat on the floor!

Don't think you'll find me any less inflexible if you've been sent to me to request a Home Detention. I am just as strict as I'd be with you sitting Detention under my personal supervision. And if you are reporting to me for self-abuse I can promise you now; you will face the most dire consequences. I'll have you squirming in complete humiliation for such vile behaviour. 


For your first lesson you will have to complete a most exacting enrollment form which you will find further below. I expect you to fill it in properly. I don't want half-hearted efforts. I do want to know exactly what you did to deserve Detention. You will write using complete sentences that are grammatically correct. Your answers will show suitable humility, etiquette and manners.


Students unfortunate enough to have attended one of my Detention classes know first hand how demanding I can be.


And if you feel you are deserving of one of my strict written punishments I have all the time in the world for naughty students in need of such corrective measures. Miscreants sent to me for punishment and behavioural modification may attend Home Detention over one night, five nights or a full weekend.

The imposition I will set for your Home Detention assignment will be a serious punishment especially designed to keep you well and truly occupied for hours on end. You will be pushed to your limits with one or more tedious, difficult and monotonous tasks. Be warned! These are not frivolous exercises. You will not be set something of a titillating nature - these are traditional, onerous scholastic punishments.

You may receive a copious quantity of written lines, a tract of a dull textbook to copy, a lengthy essay, or a difficult and tedious written exercise to complete. You will not be allowed to use your computer or calculator to complete any of the work except where I have specifically instructed you to download a textbook or passage from your computer that you will need to use for the completion of a particular written imposition.

Depending on your offense you may find yourself sent to me for:


An Evening Detention
Start as early as you can, as this will be a lengthy assignment that will keep you going well into the small hours. Expect at least six hours of writing!



Five consecutive nights of written punishment
Not a pleasant task by any stretch of the imagination.
A minimum of 5 hours per night is required to complete this laborious assignment. The punishment is designed to curb even the most unruly student and instill a sense of discipline and self-control.


For time challenged students, you may complete 1 hour of writing per evening over 5 consecutive nights instead.



A full weekend of written punishment

Commencing Friday night and working all day Saturday and Sunday, including both Saturday and Sunday evening. This is a most onerous punishment and you may expect to spend approximately 30 hours writing.


More options are listed below...


How do you request a Home Detention?

Step 1

Fill in the Home Detention Request form below. The form is self explanatory. 


Once you have filled in your Home Detention Request form correctly and submitted it to me you will then be taken through to a page which will instruct you how to pay your Home Detention Fees.


Step 2

Once you have paid your fees you will receive an email from me (please allow up to 12 hours due to different time zones) letting you know that I have received your Home Detention request and fees, as well as confirming details of your Home Detention Request. I will confirm the date on which you can expect to receive your Detention Assignment from me.


Fill in your Home Detention Request  here

Methods of payment

Payments are via Paypal. Contact me at if you'd prefer to use an alternative method of payment.


Please allow three (3) working days from the time you submit your request to the time you can expect to receive your Detention Assignment.

      Fees in AUD for Mrs Birch's Home Detention - currency converter
      Option 1
      1 Full Evening  6 hrs minimum                   - $75     
      5 Consecutive Nights x 1 hr per evening      - $85
      5 Consecutive Nights x 5 hrs per evening    - $95

      Full weekend                                           - $145


      Option 2   

      100 lines set over 7 days                            - $75

      500 lines set over 7 days                            - $85

      1000 lines set over 7 days                          - $95